Relational Material

Matthew 6 will be the focus for a couple of upcoming blogs.  There is a life principle found in this passage that can literally change your home.  It is one of those principles that can be life-altering if you will apply it correctly and consistently.

The principle comes from the reality that we can only have one master…we can only serve God or money…but not both.  The reality that we must choose first to serve the Kingdom of God and that choosing second to do that is choosing not to do it at all.  The fact that we must choose first the righteousness of Christ because putting it second means not having it at all.

Life is not all grey like we like to say.  In reality some of it is very black and white.  At least the priorities and principles behind it, but the applications can get a little smudged…a little grey.  So let’s start with the principle.

This is a principle for dealing with money.  It is the principle to guide us into serving God and not money.

Choose the relational over the material.

This is a dangerous principle in that it can be easily misapplied.  It is a principle you can only apply to yourself.  You cannot apply this to others.  You cannot tell your spouse, get me what I want, choose the relational over the material.  Your children cannot say, get me what I want, choose the relational over the material.

The first relationship is always God.  Serve God…not money.  Seek his kingdom FIRST.  Seek his righteousness FIRST.  (I will publish a different blog asking some pointed questions about what that looks like this week.)

If the first relationship is not right the second one will not be right…nor the third…the fourth…the 100^th.

I am learning how to apply this principle in family life and want to give you some practical pointers…
1.  Do not break the budget.
You must first make a budget to break a budget.  When you break the budget you choose the material over the relational.  Your spouse and you have made a loving agreement to handle finances in a certain manner.  When you choose to not follow it you put that purchase above that person. 
2.  Do not blow up or blow out of proportion.
You must not blow up over money or blow financial decisions out of proportion.  That is choosing the material over the relational.  When you do this you say to your spouse, “I would rather be right about the money than right with you.” 

Honesty, Time, and Me

Look honestly not deceptively at your life and choices.  Remember the heart is deceptive.  Just because something feels right does not make it right.

Are you a higher capacity or lower capacity person?

Capacity has nothing to do with capability.  Lower and higher capacity people are capable of great success in life, but they must go about achieving it differently.

The higher capacity person thrives with a full calendar and busy schedule.  The lower capacity person thrives when they have some breaks in their schedule.  A person with a full schedule does not always get more done.  Are you being effective and efficient?

Which type of person are you? When you get busy, do you talk and complain about how busy you are and how you feel like you have no time for yourself and your family?  If yes, you are lower capacity.  This is honest not harsh.  (Understand means know thyself.)

Make the decision that makes the decisions.

Lower capacity face this danger.  You say yes to less important things.  You get worn down.  Then you live by reaction instead of intention and you bail on the wrong thing.  This is a mistake leaders and their families cannot make very often before they lose credibility.

When you say yes to the wrong things you say no to the right things.

Higher capacity people make the same mistake but usually are completely unaware they bailed on something or someone.  They are so busy doing one thing they fail to even see the other thing.

The dark side for the leader is that the lower capacity leader (and family) end up saying no to the people they lead when they should have said yes while the higher capacity leader (and family) end up saying no to their family when they should have said no to the people they lead.

Which are you?
Live by intention or you will live by reaction.

The Decision Decision

Ephesians 5:15-18 continues to give us great truths for time management and life choices.

Do not get drunk on wine, which leads to debauchery.  Instead by filled with the Spirit.

We must make the decision that makes the decisions.

Drunkenness is not the sin in this verse.  Debauchery is.  Debauchery is extreme indulgence that leads to a loss of control.  Drunkenness causes debauchery.  Debauchery should be avoided, therefore, drunkenness should be avoided.  That is the principle.

We can choose choices but we cannot choose our consequences.  So in life we must make a decision that makes our decisions.  We must choose convictions so choices are made before they are made.

Per this Biblical example…I do not drink alcohol because if I drink alcohol I get drunk, always.  When I get drunk, I debauch.  I do not want to debauch so I do not get drunk, therefore, I do not drink.  My conviction…my decision that makes the decisions.

Making calendar choices is no different.

An example…my family participates in the life of the church I pastor through serving and participating.  When life gets busy, we do not bail on church.  We look elsewhere first.  Not because it is my job, but because it is my joy. 

The decision makes the decisions…not just on the calendar…but in the heart. 
Where your treasure is, there your heart is also.

So what do you treasure?
1.  What do you always make time for?
2.  Where and what do you most often bail on in busy times?

3.  Do those choices honestly honor your convictions?

Chaos and Calendars

Christmas is chaotic for most of us.  As I discussed in the last blog chaos is the result of confusing “get to” and “got to.”  Chaos is an emotion as often as it is a reality. 

In Ephesians 5:15-17 we are taught some great Biblical principles for life when it comes to time.

1.     Live intentionally not reactively
Be very careful then how you live (or another translation is walk.)  Not as unwise but as wise.  Making the most of every opportunity, because the days are evil.
A person who is careful about how they live is intentional about how they live.  When we live reactively we make poor choices.  Living intentionally means thinking about what is ahead and not just what is now. 

2.     Look honestly not deceptively.
Therefore do not be foolish.
A fool is person who knows better and acts anyway.  We must come to grips with the fact that the heart is deceptive above all things.  Your heart and your emotions will get you into a world of chaos in a heartbeat.  Living by our heart feels right though.  We must learn to see ourselves honestly and not deceptively.  I will have another blog in the series to address the honest view of oneself in relationship to time management.  Do not deceive yourself into thinking you are making the best choice because it feels good, often the best choices feel difficult.

3.     Understanding prevents underestimating.
understand what the Lord’s will is.
This is an odd wording in Greek.  It is the command, “Understand!”  Understanding is not something you can really command of someone.  Telling my child “understand!” does not make them understand…communication and time makes them understand.  We understand because we intend to…because we purpose to.  Choose to understand. When we understand we do not underestimate.  In relationship to time we stop underestimating the time something takes and we stop underestimating the value of our time.  This last truth is a big one for leaders, parents, and others in places of responsibility.  Sometimes your time is valuable to others not because they need you there but because your being there says what they are doing is valuable.  Show up!

The last principle I draw from this passage is the principle that really pulls it all together.  That will be the next blog.

Are you living by intention or by reaction?
Are you looking at yourself honestly or deceptively?
Are you striving to understand or are you okay with underestimating?

Chaos and Christmas

Chaos is the life that ensues when we confuse "get to" and "got to."

This is a season of the year when we get to do some wonderful things. The problem is that we live in a culture where the things we get to do are often treated with disdain because we have got to do them.

Don't let yourself fall into this mental and emotional trap. It is a joy killer.

The majority of your chaos is of your own choosing.

We choose to have kids in extra curricular activities, to shop for Christmas, to have the job we have, etc. it's our chooses that cause our chaos.

Chaos cannot be controlled but it can be prevented.

The issue in making wise decisions is not simply what you decide but when you decide it. Are you making the right choices at the right times.


Read Ephesians 5:15-18. Great passage on time and how we use it. I will blog some more this month to dive further into choices and chaos in relation to time, money, relationships, and decisions.