Sunday I had the privilege of sharing a word from the life of David. David – a man after God's own heart – was also a man that committed adultery and murder. He was a man that was not allowed to fulfill his life-long desire to build a temple for God because of the shortcomings in his own life. This man loved God but he was very imperfect in living that love in all he said and did. He was like the rest of us…he failed. Yet it says of David that he was a man after God's own heart and that he was faithful in his own generation.
There is nothing I would rather have said of me than those two things. I think that is why David is one of my favorite people in Scripture. I want to be known as a man after God's heart and I want God to use me in my own generation. I so want those things that I often allow them to become burdens in my life.
It is an interesting spiritual issue when our desire for God and for being who he wants us to be becomes the stumbling block for us having a proper relationship with God and being who he wants us to be, but it can happen. In my life this burden is often attached to the fact that I feel there is more God desires from me and my ministry. I believe he desires to use me for some purposes than are bigger than what I can see and do right now. And at times, I so desire to be successful for that reason that it gets in the way of me being that.
It is odd how being who God wants you to be – if you are not careful – is what prevents you from being who God wants you to be. God wanted David to be king. David acted like a king the day he committed adultery. He said to his servants go get this woman. He got what he commanded. He was being king, but he was not being the king God wanted him to be.
Today as I was dealing with some things that are bothering me in my own life and spirit, God really spoke to me through a Psalm I was reading. Psalm 144:2-4 is a powerful passage from the heart of David about God. He says that God is his loving God…fortress…stronghold…deliverer…shield. God was those things in his life. Then he says who is man that you are mindful of him. Who am I that even though my life is but a breath of air you care about me?
This passage really hit me because I think the reason that I often feel burdened is because I am not good at allowing God to be all those things in my life. I too often think I can be that person in my life. I would never say it that way, but I live it that way. I have confessed that in blog before, but it is just the back and forth in my own spiritual life. So this morning, God once again began to do some breaking. He showed me some brokenness I have been lacking. And in an instant, the burden became lighter. It is not gone. I still have some things to do right now that I know God has told me to do that are going to take a lot of time and effort. But they are not really mine to do.
So what does brokenness look like? Brokenness is actively, honestly, and pursuing pursuing change in yourself. God reminded me of that this morning. When your life's work is about seeing other lives changed it is easy to forget that your life must be the one first being changed…even when you say it in sermons.
So, what are you going to do today to actively pursue change in yourself? What are you going to do to honestly pursue change? What are you going to do to personally pursue change?
Well, whatever you do, remember that ultimately it is God that changes us. It is not our activity, our honesty, or our person that changes us. It is God. David forgot that. I sometimes forget that. I imagine sometimes you do, too.
Brokenness is not the state of being broke down. Brokenness is the state of being open to God. Open to who He is. And that brokenness requires us to know who we are not.
So, are you willing to live broken?
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