Critical Construction – Part Three

So to wrap up this series of blogs, I decided I will tackle the obstacles that prevent us from the wholesome insights, helpful conversations, and critical construction that God intends us to have in each other's lives. I hope you understand that in these blogs, I have not said do not share your insights. The Bible says "as iron sharpens iron, so one man sharpens another." We have to be willing to hit up against each other some to become the people God intended us to be.

So I want to share two lists. One is for the person that is trying to critically construct in another person's life. The second is to the person that is being constructed on.

Hindrances from Helping others grow…

1. It is hard to construct what you have no clue about.
   - Don't consider yourself an expert because you have an opinion.
   - Don't try to become an expert because you have an opinion.
   
2. It is impossible to construct where there is no foundation.
   - Don't try to build on someone's life what they don't have the foundation to hold up.
   - If a person is simply not qualified or capable of a job or a position, your criticism will never change that. Either help them find something else to do or let them go.
   - In the spiritual life, do not put standards on people that don't know the Savior. They cannot live up to them.
   
3. Most construction needs a plan.
   - Don't just react. Take some time. It is not as big an emergency as you are making it out to be. Stop and really think through what you need to say.
   
4. Don't cast your own shadow on God's work space.
   - It is not about you. So get your personal agendas, desires, and goals out of the way.
   

Hindrances from being Helped to grow…

1. Don't think of yourself as perfect.
   - I mean come on…do you really think you are doing everything the best way possible all the time?
   - Be willing to listen to imperfect people…remember you are imperfect, too.
   
2. Don't defend yourself.
   - If what you are doing is right or is from God…it will defend itself.
   - Not defending allows you to hear what they are saying instead of only thinking about what you already thought.
   
3. Put your "big boy" pants on.
   - The longer you lead the more you will have to deal with criticism from people who stink at it. Many of them have decent intentions but they are just not as spiritually mature as they think they are. They simply fail to see past themselves when they share their insights.
   - So, what do you do? You listen and you learn.
   - Allow yourself to learn from God even when the people that he is using are imperfect.
   
4. Sift, save, and throw away.
   - Sift through a review or a critical conversation. Sift looking for the GOOD not the bad.
   - Save the good stuff. Save the truth – even if it hurts.
   - Throw away the rest and don't hold it against the person – even if they did a poor job sharing it.
   
5. Acknowledge your own personality.
   - If you are a more sensitive personality, then be honest about that with yourself.
   - Don't hold others to an unrealistic expectation of pampering your feelings. Especially a boss. They have to review you. It is a part of their job. Let them do their job.
   

So this wraps this up. I hope it is helpful. I know many of you have to face reviewing others and being called upon to help build others up. Remember the catch words in these processes. Improvement and Progress are the most common words. So improve and help people progress. Allow others the right to do that in your life, too. This role is one I have dreaded and wanted to do at the same time. This year God has simply brought me to a more wholesome place with these processes and responsibilities. I look forward to sharing insights with those I lead this year. I know that God has a plan in that for me and for them.

As Christians, remember, that criticism is not Biblical, construction is. Don't go out and make your opinion heard, go out and help God's truth be used to build up his people.

Praise Feast – Day 1 (Monday, November 16, 2009)

First – my apologies for this being late. Two soccer games yesterday as coach took up my afternoon and I let this slip by me. I will have the rest out the evening before you need them.

For those of you who were not at Fellowship yesterday, this week's challenge is to go on a PRAISE FEAST. At 7 each day I am challenging you to spend 7 minutes praising God. Praise means to declare the truth about God to the God it is true of. There are no requests, no intercessions, no personal agendas in praise. Just declaring to God who he is and how you love him. If 7 minutes is too long, start with 70 seconds, but give God the praise due his name this week.

Praise the Lord in His Sanctuary – a place designated for worship.
Meaning praise the Lord for his proper place in your life.
Spend today’s 7 minutes focusing on the truths about God in his relationship to you.

What words describe his rightful place in your life?
Lord, King, Ruler, Gracious Father, Redeemer, etc.

Give thought and time to this truth in your life.
Scriptures to Help you Praise Today
2 Sam. 2:22-24, Psalm 92, Job 19:25-27, Psalm 19

When looking for Scriptures to praise the character of God, look at the openings of the epistles (or letters) in the New Testament. Basically Romans-3 John. These greetings often include deep and great truths about the character of God.

Romans 1:7, 2 Cor. 1:1-4, Galatians 1:1-5, Eph. 1:1-3, 1 Thess. 1:1-4 (and so on, some have them some don’t but a great way to look for truths to praise God for.)

Songs for Praise Today
Probably my personal favorite about praising God in his sanctuary – Better is One Day by Matt Redman

Other songs that simply praise God for being God…
Hosanna by Hillsong United
Your Name High by Hillsong United
How Great is Our God by Chris Tomlin
Indescribable by Chris Tomlin
We Give Your Praise by Delirious

Critical Construction – Part 2

"Do not let any unwholesome talk come out of your mouths, but only what is helpful for building others up according to their needs, that it may benefit those who listen." (Eph 4:29)

So our Biblical command is to not allow anything out of our mouth that is not wholesome nor is not helpful. That is a tough standard. It is especially tough when we are in the place of having a responsibility to build someone up and we see something that needs to change or they could improve.

The majority of people struggle with sharing critical thoughts and insights. Few people do this really well, but I think more of us could if we just looked at it a little differently.

Here are some Biblical insights in how to do this Biblically…

1. Earn the right to listened to. "that it may benefit those who listen."
   Some people have a problem with wanting to correct or better everyone. You only have this role with those people in which God has placed you in a relationship to do this with. If you do not have the relationship that allows you to speak such critical thoughts, perhaps you should remain silent OR if you believe God desires you to help that person, build the relationship first. This passage was not written to disconnected believers that only passed each other in the church or office hallways. It was written to people whose lives were deeply connected. You need to consider that as a boss too. If the only time your employees hear from you is about what you need and never includes any legitimate and honest concern about them, then know they are not prepared emotionally to be helped by you. If you want to develop people commit to them before you see their issues and decide you need to help correct them.
   
2. Meet their needs not yours. "according to their needs"
   Don't allow your insights to be selfish. Often people will bring "criticism" with a "constructive" twist simply to try to get someone to do what they want or how they want. Fight this urge. Your role is not to make them do what makes your life easier and better. Your role is to help them live the life and live out the role God has for them better.
   
3. The goal is construction not criticism. "what is helpful for building others up."
   It might be semantics but I think it is the key to the whole deal. We need to see our role as critical construction not constructive criticism. Make sure you have the right adjective and action in your life. Many people are not bringing their thoughts for construction but simply for criticism. Our relationship with one another is always to build each other up and never to tear each other down. Consider that the next time you want to make a snide remark about a Bible study lesson or a sermon or a song. Think about that in the context of church. Think about it in the work world. Don't just complain in your review time, use it for the intended purposes. When you tear down…you sin. Insights are not sinful…selfishness is.
   
4. Learn to limit your thoughts to the crucial.
   "only what is helpful"
   Often well-intentioned insight meant to be used by God to build someone else up is lost in our decision to share everything we observe in the other person or their actions. Perhaps you have seen someone do something that you thought was out of place and could really use some help seeing it, but instead of sharing that one issue you shared with them everything you think. The one important and Spirit-inspired insight is lost in an avalanche of undeserved criticism. Limit your insights to the real issues.
   
5. Take responsibility for your words. "come out of your mouth"
   If you say…own it. Don't back out of what you meant to say. Overly critical people like to blame hurt feelings and problems on other people's over-sensitive natures. If you say it, you have to own the consequences – whether you think they should be or not. What you said and how you said it is on you…not on them. This principle goes back to earning the right to be listened to. The more you truly know someone and actually care about them personally, the more you will know about how to share a needed insight. If you do not know them well enough to know how to talk with them, maybe you should stay silent until you do or at least admit that in the conversation and limit with them the role you have in their life. Share with them that you think you need to share something but that you are not really qualified to do so. People can take criticism in that context differently than when they are thinking "who does this person think they are?"
   
6. Speak only what the Spirit gives you. "Do not let any unwholesome talk"
   Some unwholesome talk is not acceptable. If you talk negatively about others to others…that is gossip. It is unwholesome. In church life this is usually found in the people that sit around and criticize preachers and worship leaders. People who think because they "care" about the church it is okay to talk with others in negative ways. Often this is also done in review times as bosses because the things we are sharing are things that frustrate us. The problem is we lose the ability to be wholesome because in both of these situations we lose the whole picture. That is necessary in wholesome talk. It is not just about that issue even if you think it is. It is about the person. It is always personal. Don't lose the big picture. Never lose sight of the person or people. When you do your lack of the whole picture will rob your words of any wholesome intentions.
   

So my take on criticism is that it is not Biblical. It has no rightful place in the life of believers. But construction does. People who want to build up will. People who want to criticize never will. They will only tear down and tear away.

When you review someone as a boss or an employee or if you just feel led by the Spirit to share a critical insight into someone else's life or action, remember your role and your purpose. Remember the person not the problem. Focus on yourself first and share only what God said to share. Let him do the rest.

Critical Construction – Part One

Well it is one of my least favorite times of the year as a "boss." It is review time. Every year I approach this time with a spirit of uncertainty. Naturally, when you work with people day in and day out you see their imperfections. Not only do you see these things, but if you take your role as boss (and as pastor) seriously you want to help those under your leadership improve at what they do.

The issue is how does one take ones observations, insights, and opinions and use them to the betterment of someone else. One of the crucial issues with doing this well is realizing that you have an opinion. Some times in reviews we have some hard data. Goals and objectives not met, but most often our reason for why that is true is based on our opinion.

So how do we correctly take these thoughts to another person for their good. It is not just about professional reviews. I think this is an overall spiritual issue people need to consider. Often in life we have people who want to bring us their "constructive criticism" but the issue is that it is often destructive more than it is constructive. This is true of those with a good-heart and those with a critical spirit.

I have taken some time to study this concept over the last few months and want to share with you what I have learned about the concept of criticism. These blogs will not simply be about review process but about the overall concept of criticism in the life of Christ followers.

The first question you must answer as a follower of Christ is this…is there any place in the lives of Christians for criticism?

Take some time and examine what it is. Consider this challenge. We call it "constructive" criticism. You must realize that even in its best form constructive describes criticism. Is that a Biblical mindset or approach to other people?

Let's start with this thought. What is criticism? According to Webster, criticism can be defined as the act of criticizing usually unfavorably. At its best criticizing is to consider the merits and demerits of and to judge accordingly. Criticizing is also defined as (and normally acted as) finding fault with or pointing out the faults of.

I want to challenge you in a couple of blogs over our concepts about criticism. And I want you to honestly ask yourself, how much construction comes out of my criticisms?

I will leave you with this verse to chew on today as you consider the Biblical truths concerning criticism. "Do not let any unwholesome talk come out of your mouths, but only what is helpful for building others up according to their needs, that it may benefit those who listen." (Eph 4:29)

 

(This is the first in a 3 part series. I have really thought through this a lot this year and read and prayed. I hope I can share some things God taught me and help you be a better leader through it.)

Defeating Dead Brain Syndrome

Some days in life we are brain dead. (For some of us that happens more often than others.) I know that for myself I most often feel this way on Mondays. Some Sundays just take so much out of you that the mind and spirit are lagging behind the body on Mondays.

So what do you do on these days? We all have them. There are several options.
1. Pretend you are not brain dead and tackle important tasks with half-a-brain.
2. Be a bum and hope no one notices.
3. Do work that is productive and helpful but does not require tons of brain cells.

I had such a day yesterday. This last series has taken a lot of mental and spiritual work to get through. It is not easy to talk about sensitive and tough topics in life in a real and authentic manner. So after a month of this series I showed up to work yesterday brain dead. What was I to do?

Would I pretend my brain was functioning fully and try to write something profound for this week's sermon like my normal plan? Would I pretend to be ready to lead a meeting that is not completely necessary that my mind was not ready for? Or would I hide at my desk and pretend to be productive?

Very often people choose those as valid solutions. Sometimes we do poor work because we are poorly prepared to do the work we need to do. I believe option 3 is the way to go. Choose to be productive. Just be productive doing something you have been putting off. Catch up on those tasks that slip through the cracks because they are never urgent.

Now, you cannot do this on days you have an important meeting or a deadline. On those days you man up and ask God for some mental grace and help. You should never bum out. You must choose to do work as if working unto the Lord and not unto man. The answer is not nothing but also might not be the same old thing.

So yesterday I finished cleaning all the windows on the office. They really needed to be ridded of the yucky film of green mildew they had gathered. I did some administrative paperwork type stuff. I ran a few errands that needed to be done. I made some phone calls. I read some in a leadership book I need to read. I ended up being needed on some technical issues and things during the day and I stepped up and did what was needed, because it is my job. But I purposefully chose to have a dead brain day since I was brain dead anyway.

I was productive. I was a good employee. I think I honored the Lord with my day. But I chose not to write the life group material and sermon I needed to do. I actually had more time to do that this morning because I did not have the administrative stuff to do because I did it yesterday. And this morning I came to work with a clear mind and was able to get some really good work done. I was able to focus and was thinking clearly on the tasks at hand.

So my advice the next time you find yourself brain dead and you don't have a deadline hanging over your brain dead head, take a dead brain day. Do something useful. Be productive. Choose not to be lazy. And get some good work done.